Okay, so not the kind you think! I'm referring to holiday tradition integration. Between two families. Once the kids are born. I know, serious stuff, right? But we can get through it if we go together!

Growing up for me, Christmas was ALWAYS the best time of the year. My brother and I were closer; Mom and Dad were happier; the world looked prettier; and the traditions stayed the same. Every. Single. Year.

When I got married almost 7 years ago, my husband and I looked SO forward to Christmas. He had had the same types of traditions and joy around the holidays. He and I had similar expectations about how Christmas time would look for us as a married couple. So, we were similarly appalled and disappointed at how badly it fell apart.

Let me share a little bit of background with you. We are both fortunate enough that when we got married, the hubs still had his grandparents on his mother's side, and I still had my grandmother on my mother's side. We'll chalk it up to good genes! Both of our parents were divorced, and both of our fathers were remarried. We both had 1 sibling each who had kids of their own. Keep up people, it's only going to get more complicated.

So that means that we celebrate Christmas (with present opening) at least 6 times before we even get to Christmas Eve. 6 TIMES. And that also means that we had up to 9 holiday get-togethers to schedule and only 1 month into which to squeeze them. And that didn't even include our OWN tradition...which was non existent.

I know you feel my pain. Because I simply can't believe I'm alone in this. And all that madness was before we had kids. Now we've got two sweet, adorable little girls aged 3 years and 8 months. Now, it's about them. Not us. And somehow we still find ourselves opening presents about 6 times before Christmas Eve. Last year, on Christmas morning, our then 2 year old looked at us after opening about ¼ of her presents and said "I don't want to open anymore." That is insane. We stuck the rest of the presents in the closet and pulled them out weeks later and simply put them in her room with her other toys. She never even knew.

That's not happening this year. We've decided to put our big kid underpants on and set some boundaries with our families. This is MUCH easier said than done, by the way. I know you feel my pain here too. My husband is much better at it than me. I want to please everyone, and I agonize over hurting someone's feelings, breaking a tradition, not living up to the expectations of others, etc. But it occurred to me this year that growing up, my Christmas traditions were SACRED. And my parents provided that for me. And now it was time for me to do the same for my girls.

I want to impart to my children what Christmas is really about: the birth of our Savior. I also want them to look forward to getting together with family because we feel love for one another, not because of what material items they might receive. And I want to teach them about GIVING. So far this year, the most exciting thing we have done is go shopping for an "adopted" little boy from an Angel Tree. Our 3 year old got to pick things out for a little boy whom she will never meet. She asked a lot of questions and we answered them the best we could. We have participated in 4 different adoptions this year as a family. That is the most we have ever done, and we'd like to keep up the trend.

Because when it comes right down to it, my family is overly blessed. And others are not. We're so blessed that we have people clamoring for us to come and celebrate the birth of our Savior with them. We have an over-abundance of people who want to buy us gifts. We have still living grandparents; we have step-mothers who love us and our girls; we have siblings and nieces and nephews; we both still have our mamas with us. We have enough money to give to someone else's family who isn't as fortunate. That might mean that we have to skimp on a gift for one of our family members, but we hope they understand.

We've learned that our job, as parents, is to take care of the immediate family. Me. My husband. Our 3 year old. And our baby. We have to build the traditions that will one day be hard for our daughters to break so that they can go on to create their own. It's about leaving and cleaving. Get out your Good Book and look it up. It may help you win the argument with your Mom. It's also about our Savior. The one who so richly blessed us in the first place. I don't ever want my girls to lose sight of that. I did once, and it wasn't pretty. I hope to use my mistakes and help my girls learn from them. I hope to provide boundaries for them so that Christmas time for them is as special, fun, sacred, and joyous for them as it was for me and for my husband when we were little.

So when I go to the mall tonight to get Santa pictures made, I'm going to have a chat with the elf. I'm going to ask him for wisdom, patience, and tolerance. I need to remember to be tolerant of people who don't look at things the same way I do. I need patience to simply make it through to the other side - to the promised land - to January. And I need the wisdom to know how to navigate the waters of tradition integration while providing boundaries to protect what we want to be our NEW traditions. Here's to hoping Santa can deliver.

And from my (complicated, dysfunctional, and lovely) family to yours, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

December 2010 Newsletter - Dadgum That's Good!